Do the opposite of what my ex did
Be more specific. Like, what game? Mages are different in both. There's also testing different builds for yourself and seeing which one YOU like more. In DA:O I personally liked Spirit healer, blood mage (Added in with Battle Mage in Awakening) with Ice spells and most entrophy spells. In DA2 Force mage, Elementral, Some primal and entrophy.